My story....
My story....
When I was a teenager, I was obsessed, obsessed with the movie Gone with the Wind. I loved the Scarlett character and her story. She was a charming, beautiful southern belle who was totally and completely selfish and selfless at the same time. She was in hot pursuit of a husband. And she succeeded in having men compete for her. Scarlett was a charmer, and while the women around her didn't always approve of her, she was confident enough to go after what she wanted. She didn't hold back and she always got what she wanted. In a time when women were expected to dress and act a certain way and keep their thoughts to themselves, she never shied away from saying what was on her mind. When it was considered inappropriate to share her affection for men, she didn't let that stop her from telling her love Ashley Wilkes just how she felt.
She never settled for that which she did not desire.
Oh, to be Scarlett! To live in a gorgeous plantation home with people all around doting on her. To be cared for. To be loved. To be rich. She was a lucky woman and I dreamed of a life like the one she had. I was Scarlett every Halloween for 6 years and really played the part. I had the green dress made from curtains, the bonnet, and the petticoat. When I put that costume on and busted out my southern accent and charming manners, confidence came with it. For in that moment I felt an inner strength take over. I felt loved. What separated Scarlett from the rest of the women in Tara was that she had a fierce determination that helped her succeed in times of great distress. After her home was nearly destroyed, after her Mother had died, and after her Dad had lost his mind, Scarlett, in a gripping moment of realization, discovered the reality of her own strength. She vowed that she would never be hungry again. Scarlett was bound and determined to succeed.
As I grew up and left home, the play and replay of Scarlett was still buried deep in the back of my mind. Whether I was aware of it or not, I thought that somewhere, at some moment, I was going to develop this great strength of conviction like Scarlett. I was going to feel confident enough to go after exactly what I want. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that part of the reason I loved being Scarlett so much in my mind was because she had this quiet confidence. A strong inner strength that grounded her.
I knew all I had to do was shake off the insecurity, self-doubt, and wake up the determination and confidence that I had inside.
Then an interesting turn of events happened that changed the trajectory of my life forever. I lost both of my parents within a 5 year span. I had never felt so alone. I felt, to my core, that I couldn’t live without my parents here and that I didn’t care if I died. While I had a short time left on this planet, I decided that I might as well party it up and live life to its fullest. Instead of investing my time and energy into something meaningful, I choose to escape through drugs and alcohol. And I ran…from job to job, city to city, relationship to relationship. Nothing was ever good enough for me. I felt increasingly bitter and angry, lost and confused, unsatisfied and lonely. As I wallowed in self-pity, I cried that it wasn’t fair to have them taken away so soon. I let my health suffer the consequences. I felt so sorry for myself and couldn’t eat, sleep, or work like I was able to before.
One day, I had enough. I remembered that Scarlett, too, had lost both of her parents at a young age and that she managed to make it work! I realized that I had more control over my life than I knew. I put down the bottle. I gave up the sob story I got my mind clear again. I stopped looking at external things, whether it was partying or relationships, as the saving grace to get out of my own life. I had the power to create my own Scarlett O’Hara Southern lifestyle. I started living day by day. When I found my mind drifting off and feeling sad, I remembered what Scarlett always said, “I’ll think about that tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day”
Like Scarlett, I have come face to face with death and poverty and managed to survive. I have been heartbroken and pursued men that don’t love me back. I managed to rise up through all of the pain, heartache, struggle, and strife to make it through to tomorrow. For me, and all real-life Scarlett’s who are in love with something that doesn’t exist, I realized that the greatest obstacle to my happiness is not in the idea that some southern gentleman was going to take me away…that the perfect dream job was going to help me feel better about myself…that the big house would make me feel more secure and safe.
The greatest obstacle… is me.
When I am in those moments of self-despair, I hear the words of Scarlett inside my head, “I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow” and that helps me get through the moment. As it turns out, all of this time, I was in love with something that doesn’t even exist. The idea that someone or something is out there, waiting to find me, and save me, is all a facade! As a real-life Scarlett, I’ve stopped searching for him...or the job...or the city...or the feeling. That is something silly little girls do.
Instead, I carry with me a fierce determination to create my own life, kept behind a sweet southern belle smile.
For the last few years, I’ve woken up not wanting, but needing to tell young women that they don’t have to spend their lives waiting for something to come save them. That they can and should trust themselves and realize they are enough as they are, and that their intuition is the best guide available. I hope that in some way, my coaching will show young women that they command their own joy.
it's time to command joy in our lives. if not now, when?
She never settled for that which she did not desire.
Oh, to be Scarlett! To live in a gorgeous plantation home with people all around doting on her. To be cared for. To be loved. To be rich. She was a lucky woman and I dreamed of a life like the one she had. I was Scarlett every Halloween for 6 years and really played the part. I had the green dress made from curtains, the bonnet, and the petticoat. When I put that costume on and busted out my southern accent and charming manners, confidence came with it. For in that moment I felt an inner strength take over. I felt loved. What separated Scarlett from the rest of the women in Tara was that she had a fierce determination that helped her succeed in times of great distress. After her home was nearly destroyed, after her Mother had died, and after her Dad had lost his mind, Scarlett, in a gripping moment of realization, discovered the reality of her own strength. She vowed that she would never be hungry again. Scarlett was bound and determined to succeed.
As I grew up and left home, the play and replay of Scarlett was still buried deep in the back of my mind. Whether I was aware of it or not, I thought that somewhere, at some moment, I was going to develop this great strength of conviction like Scarlett. I was going to feel confident enough to go after exactly what I want. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that part of the reason I loved being Scarlett so much in my mind was because she had this quiet confidence. A strong inner strength that grounded her.
I knew all I had to do was shake off the insecurity, self-doubt, and wake up the determination and confidence that I had inside.
Then an interesting turn of events happened that changed the trajectory of my life forever. I lost both of my parents within a 5 year span. I had never felt so alone. I felt, to my core, that I couldn’t live without my parents here and that I didn’t care if I died. While I had a short time left on this planet, I decided that I might as well party it up and live life to its fullest. Instead of investing my time and energy into something meaningful, I choose to escape through drugs and alcohol. And I ran…from job to job, city to city, relationship to relationship. Nothing was ever good enough for me. I felt increasingly bitter and angry, lost and confused, unsatisfied and lonely. As I wallowed in self-pity, I cried that it wasn’t fair to have them taken away so soon. I let my health suffer the consequences. I felt so sorry for myself and couldn’t eat, sleep, or work like I was able to before.
One day, I had enough. I remembered that Scarlett, too, had lost both of her parents at a young age and that she managed to make it work! I realized that I had more control over my life than I knew. I put down the bottle. I gave up the sob story I got my mind clear again. I stopped looking at external things, whether it was partying or relationships, as the saving grace to get out of my own life. I had the power to create my own Scarlett O’Hara Southern lifestyle. I started living day by day. When I found my mind drifting off and feeling sad, I remembered what Scarlett always said, “I’ll think about that tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day”
Like Scarlett, I have come face to face with death and poverty and managed to survive. I have been heartbroken and pursued men that don’t love me back. I managed to rise up through all of the pain, heartache, struggle, and strife to make it through to tomorrow. For me, and all real-life Scarlett’s who are in love with something that doesn’t exist, I realized that the greatest obstacle to my happiness is not in the idea that some southern gentleman was going to take me away…that the perfect dream job was going to help me feel better about myself…that the big house would make me feel more secure and safe.
The greatest obstacle… is me.
When I am in those moments of self-despair, I hear the words of Scarlett inside my head, “I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow” and that helps me get through the moment. As it turns out, all of this time, I was in love with something that doesn’t even exist. The idea that someone or something is out there, waiting to find me, and save me, is all a facade! As a real-life Scarlett, I’ve stopped searching for him...or the job...or the city...or the feeling. That is something silly little girls do.
Instead, I carry with me a fierce determination to create my own life, kept behind a sweet southern belle smile.
For the last few years, I’ve woken up not wanting, but needing to tell young women that they don’t have to spend their lives waiting for something to come save them. That they can and should trust themselves and realize they are enough as they are, and that their intuition is the best guide available. I hope that in some way, my coaching will show young women that they command their own joy.
it's time to command joy in our lives. if not now, when?